Wedding Wednesday: So You're Engaged! Now What?!

First of all, congratulations!!! Being engaged is one of the most wonderful feelings! You have found your match for life! Enjoy this time, it will fly by, it will be difficult at times, and that is ok... you will feel stress/pressure to be perfect -- remember there is no such thing, you are fine, and you are doing ok. Here are some tips I have for my newly engaged readers!!

1) Take engagement photos (and get them framed)
You're engaged!! Take some beautiful photos, after you have called your friends and family start sharing pics on social media so your less close friends will get the good news too. You will be glad to have some beautiful engagement photos to enjoy and cherish many years down the road.

2) Let yourself be a little crazy for a little while
It's ok to want to buy every single "Mr and Mrs" mug or ring dish out there! Enjoy the butterflies and giddiness. Enjoy calling each other "fiance" and "future Mrs. so and so." Revel in your joy like a child on Christmas morning!

That being said..

3) Don't abandon your friends
Just because you are engaged now doesn't mean you get to be a sh&tty friend. You don't get to talk nonstop about the wedding all the time (sometimes you do, but not all the time.) Everyone else's lives are still going on, too, so don't forget to ask about them and what is new in their lives.

4) Schedule time to talk about the wedding
It's not going to be wedding talk all day every day -- sorry Charlie! I was doing that when David and I first started planning and it was exhausting, and also just not great for our relationship. Often I would start talking about things that I had been thinking a lot about, and he hadn't been thinking at all, and I would get mad because I felt like he wasn't on the same page as me. But that wasn't necessarily fair because how was he to know I had been thinking about the table linens all day? Give space for your partner to catch up and think about things in his/her own time. It helped us a lot to schedule a day/time to talk about the wedding for an hour. It becomes a predictable routine and a meeting each person has to come ready to talk at.

5) Take care of yourself
Some days you need to not do any wedding stuff. It's going to be hard, and you may get into an anxiety tailspin (I did.) But some days, you just need to walk away from the wedding related decisions and get off your wedding checklist app and go back to doing things you used to do before the wedding.

6) Make room for your partner
This is your wedding to each other -- not just your wedding. Set aside time to speak openly about what aspects of the wedding each person cares about. David doesn't care so much about the flowers (I do) but he does care that he wears a different color tux than the groomsmen. This will be a give and take just like other areas of your relationship. Make space for open and honest conversation about the wedding and what is important to each of you so each partner is reflected in the big day's celebration.

7) Accept that your vision will change 
Maybe you have been dreaming about this day since you were a child, or maybe you have had a secret Pinterest board since you met your partner. What you think you want and want you actually want/will have will likely evolve and change over time and that is ok! Give yourself room to breathe, give yourself room to grow into your wedding and also make a little room for your fiance (in areas he/she cares about.) Stay true to yourself and your vision but recognize that even your vision might be constricted in some ways. Leave some room for the universe to work her magic. Ask for help and guidance as you are making your decisions.

8) Acknowledge that relationships will change
Some of your friends will have an easier time than others with your big news. Some may be reflecting on their own singlehood or marriages at the time of your engagement. Others may feel jealous, lonely, ecstatic for you, etc. Your relationships with your friends and your family of origin will start to shift -- for these roller coasters I recommend three books: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith, The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul and The Conscious Bride's Wedding Planner by Sheryl Paul.

9) Acknowledge your anxiety (if you're having any)
The books above will help with that.

10) Love on your partner
Don't stop going on date nights, don't just nag/plan/talk about the wedding, carve out space and time for you and your partner to enjoy each other in a wedding-free zone. He/she is likely going through some psychic shifts of his/her own, so give them the space to talk about this if they want and find new ways to show appreciation and love for them.

11) Download The Knot app 
For all your planning needs! The Knot phone app has an amazing (sometimes anxiety inducing) app that will help you stay on track and schedule when certain tasks need to be done.

12) Have FUN! You're getting married!

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